on the way home

drove 6 hours from San Francisco to home in Los Angel es today and took a half hour break for dinner. it was about 400 miles total. I was driving 80 miles average. some times i drove slower and some times i drove faster. Most of the time I was driving pretty slow. the whole time I tried to pick up speed. every time when I picked up speed I reminded myself to always have safety as the number one priority. my 100% intention was safety, so that safety is ensured. notice that my number one intention was not to get to home early because if I had that as number one then I may drive very fast and it may lead to accident.

this is an example of how important intention is. In fact it is the most important thing in getting any result. not only the intention has to be 100%, it also need to be precise. for example I had safety as my priority so my 100% intention was safety. In business it looks like this. if my 100% intention was to have ten million gross profit the result into an overall lose in the business because expenses maybe mismanaged and ate up all of the gross profit. on the other hand if my 100% intention is ten million net profit then the business is likely be be profitable because it is profit after expenses. however it may still not be enough. you may ask why. Because what if employees are not taken care of f that could be a huge long term problem. taking it a step further. If our 100% intention is ten million net profit and happy employees then this 100% intention would be a sustainable 100% intention because when employees are also happy then the business can be competitive and strong in the long run.

Without a Shell

Ever since I came to the United States I have gradually built up a shell without me knowing. When I was in China I lived in a small community where most of my classmates lived nearby and our parents knew each other too. So every time we see each other on the street we are always very friendly to each other. I still remembered the time back when I did not have a shell, but as time passes by in the United States my shell grew.  Unlike the way it was in China not everyone I met on the street greeted me with warmth.  slowly I accumulated a self built shell or armo that is built of the act of ‘I am better than you.” and “I don’t trust you.” without knowing I have been walking around with this shell for more than a decade. It made me feel comfortable and good about myself even when I am met with numb and expressionless stare in the street.  

But with this shell also came with problem.  this shell kept me from having authentic and direct communication with people. As such people either could not figure me out or made many different kind of assumptions about me. 

For the past couple of days I have been practicing being vernerbal and interacting with people without that shell. I just connect with people without any pretense. 

Today I still met with two blank stares. when time when I was walking back from the restroom to the meeting room I walked toward a guy in the hallway.   Another time is when I was getting ready to leave the day’s session a lady was by the exist I saw her and I smiled. She saw me too and she had a blank look on her face. 

Initially I made some very unproductive assumptions and even became a little disturbed. later I thought to myself I need to be bigger then that, step up and being a leader. More specifically being a leader and stand for and cause for those two person. Believing in them in their being now and in their future.

授权的方法

1. 清楚的描述工作内容和所期待的结果。并且确认下属完全了解。
2. 授权给证明了自己有能力的人。
3. 解释规定，限制，和框架。
4. 告知可以用的资源：　人力，资金，材料，和工具。
5. 接受问题和反馈。
6. 给与时间表和限期。
7. 衡量－检查期待的结果。可以衡量的结果才会实现，　可以衡量的事情才可以被管理，　无法衡量的事情是无法修改的。
8. 赏罚分明－赏要看个人的贡献和个人对团队的贡献。
9. 只做自己才能做的事情，别人也可以做的事情授权给别人做。

成功的方法

1. 集思广益
2. 综合天时，地利，人合我们下定决心决定自己要做什么
   • 天时－时机的控制：知道先做什么后做什么。知道什么时候做。
   • 地利－知道在哪里做最有利
   • 人合－知道和谁做怎么合作最有利
3. 学习和模仿达到这个目标所要的技能和工具
4. 集中所有精力去执行所学到的
5. 依据现实情况适当调试和执行
6. 授权
7. 风险控制-发觉并且控制可能造成失败的大风险

简单生活的10个步骤：

1. 决定-学习-执行
2. 聚焦－把精力聚焦在比较高价值和更加重要的目标上。
3. 集中精力－在主要的工作上直到百分之百完成。
4. 不断进步－在你的主要职能上不断进步。
5. 授权－授权所有别人可以做的和低收入／小时的人可以做的事情。
6. 集中－把几个事情一起做。
7. 衡量-行为，进度，目标，结果
8. 外包－所有特殊技能的事情。
9. 淘汰－和去掉自己不需要做的事情。
10. 推迟做不重要的事情。
11. 排列事情的顺序－先做什么后做什么？

1. 重要和紧急的，
2. 重要的不紧急的，
3. 不重要的紧急的，
4. 不重要的不紧急的，

１０.　要求所有下属用以下模式问问题 ：

1. 只能用一句话描述问题（没有问题复杂到不能用一句话描述）；
2. 找出三个最好的解决方案和建议；
3. 提出建议其中的哪一个解决方案。

Secrets of A Lasting Relationship

Love is a complicated matter to explain. Previously I have attempted to explain ingredients of a healthy relationship, however, I felt I could not possibly cover all aspect of it so I gave up on doing so and deleted it. Then I thought about it. It is OK. I don’t have to get it all right, after all who can, who can completely explain love? Nobody can. So, I will just write what I already knew. and maybe you can fill in the blanks.

I will cover many important aspect of relationship here, but even you have done it all your relationship probably still won’t work, however there is a secret, and it is at the end of this essay.

Communication
Men should talk in women’s language and vice versa.

Like for Like’s Sake (I am not sure what Love is yet, so I call it like)
It is OK for a guy to like a girl partly because she is voluptuous. It is OK for a girl to like a guy partly because he is rich and/or powerful. However, it is not OK when the girl doe not like the guy (no chemistry), but stay with the guy because the guy can provide for her (this can go both ways).

Chemistry
Chemistry is a mysterious thing to explain. I doubt I can pull it off here, so I will not try, but I do think it has something to do with our parents, about the quality we admire in a person,  what is considered beautiful and good in our society. OK, that is all I am gonna say about chemistry.

Mutual Agreement of Standards
there has to be mutual agreement of standards on just about every thing in a relationship. For example maybe your mate don’t like your way of squeezing the toothpaste. You can agree with it, then problem solved. this problem is a little easier to solve if you love your mate and is willing to go with it.

However, there are more complicated issues in a relationship than how to squeeze toothpaste. How each partner interacts with members of the opposite sex outside of the relationship is a major issue in relationship sometimes.*

For example, your boyfriend may have a habit of always taking phone calls away from you and you are really bothered by that, so here we have a disagreement of standard on how each of you answer phone calls. there are a couple of ways to solve it. option 1. your boyfriend may agree to answer all of the phone calls in front of you when he is with you. problem solved. option 2, You may suck it up and let him answer his phone call however he prefers. problem solved only if you are really OK with it and not just saying you  are OK with it. Option 3. your boyfriend still answers his phone call his way. you are still not OK with it, but you tell him. ‘I am not comfortable with you doing that, however I want you to be sure to let me know when you think there is some one that you are attracted to before you get involved with that person that way I am aware and can make the decision to leave if I wanted to.’ (Ideally speaking this may work, but in reality it is not very likely.)

As you can see here, the key here is not how high or low the standard is, as long as you two have reached an agreement on that standard that is what matters.

*we are using conventional relationships here, so if you have other than conventional relationship the topic applies to you too except that the characters involved has different genders.

Mutual Respect
In public, we normally have to be polite to the people that we interact with because that is the accepted way to interact with other people and most of the time we are obligated to be civil because our livelihood depends on it. In our private lives it is a little different. Some times we don’t depend on our loved ones to make a living, so we are civil with them because we really love them, but some times things get out of hand. Maybe the two are in an argument, or maybe one have had a bad day, whatever reason it maybe some of us don’t treat our loved ones as good as we should have. this is where one has to make sure to always respect the loved ones just because we love them, not because of any exterior obligations.

Mutual Trust
This one is very crucial. It is a one way street. once it is gone it is not very likely that you will get it back, so don’t mess it up. The best way to avoid mistrust is to not lie at all. that is the best policy. If you lie there is no end to it and you need to keep lying. If you have had a change of heart, just move on. it is really a pain to continue to grind it out when there is nothing left.  the only way it might continue to work is when the two still love each other and the one that was being cheated on is willing to forgive the one that has cheated. that is the only way it will work. One good friends of mine have been with his girlfriend for a long time and he has taken a lot of shit from her (yeah. some can be really bitchy). He also forgive his girlfriend and now they are doing great. I can not believe they are still together. If I were him, she would have been long gone.

Balance
There has to be a balance between the two. It seldom work out if the love tips too much to one side. Some acquaintance I knew  loves his wife a lot. I don’t know if his wife loves him, but certainly much less than his love for her. Even if she had some feeling for him, those feelings are all gone by now due to the guys smothering way of love. You see there is no balance here. He checks her call records all the time, questions his wife if she wants to get a divorce, there is just no end. It is completely out of balance. It is not gonna work. If I were his wife, I’d go banana too. The balance point here is not really a condition, it is more of a wrong start. It happens usually because of the partners decided to be with one another due to some alternative motives. It maybe money, immigration status, whatever it maybe except love. After all it is her fault, because I think she is only with him because she thinks she could have it easy, and now they are life is all messed up. She still could not let it go cause she could not make a living for herself. Now she has to looking for another unlucky guy (this whole thing can go both ways). See that is the power of karma, so do good and don’t be evil.

Look Good for Your Partner
Initially, I did not included this point in the writing, but one of my female blog readers commented this point, so I will briefly talk about it. Have you noticed, during the beginning of the relationship when the two are really in love you always make sure that  you look your best when you meet each other? As the relationship furthers down the road. the one that is still really hot for the other will continue to look good for the partner, but the one that has sort of lost interest in the other will start to neglect his or her appearance. that is a sign that your partner’s interest in you is rapidly diminishing (it may not always be the case, but in most cases it is true). From my past experience, I felt that if I like the person a lot, even if she did not keep her appearance really well, I still liked and loved her. If the girl that I am with I don’t really like  her that much and if she did not maintain her appearance well, then I would get annoyed very quickly. I don’t know how girls feel about this point, so you can comment on this.

Good Sex

Overall, I am probably not the ideal person to talk about relationship since my longest relationship did not last past three years, but since I am writing this I will just go with my personal experience.

Once in the car with a few coworkers after finishing lunch. I asked Angel (not her real name), ‘how long have you and your husband been married?’ She said, ‘12 years.’  Then, I asked her what does it felt like for you two now. She said she felt like her husband is like her cousin. I was dumbfounded hearing that answer. See I have never been in a relationship that long, so I would not know. For me I think sex is really important in a relationship. After all, all healthy people have needs in these department aren’t we all? It increases productivity too and betters relationships too, so why now.

So, you are here and you wonder. Wow these is a lot that I have to look out for in a relationship and after all that my relationship still may not work.  Is it really that hard? Actually it is not. Let me share the secret with you now.
Type of sex

quicky-not much foreplay and don’t take too long. it can be done anywhere.

home made dinner sex-simple preparation at home, good foreplay, and good sex.

Fine Dinning sex-aimed to please the female partner. take her out, make her feel like the queen, and come back home have great sex.

the Secret
Once I heard a story on radio. A reporter interviewed an old couple. They have been married for 70 years. the reporter asked the old couple: “what is the secret of your long lasting relationship?” The old man said: “We never give up on each other at the same time.”

so this is my rough draft. any comments?

Confused with your life?

Confused with your life? Desperately need someone to guide you? while you are still looking for a mentor why not pick up these books. If  you don’t like to read you can always get the audio versions. I have also explained how to get these books really cheap.

I would say buy them all at once and read them in the following order (instructions on buy books really cheap follows after the book list):

1. The Mastery of Love-by Don Miguel Ruiz,
2. The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success – by Deepak Chopra,
3. Hackers and Painters by Paul Graham, http://www.paulgraham.com/articles.html,
4. My Start-Up Life by Ben Casnocha,
5. the 4-hour workweek by timothy Ferriss,
6. The Art of the Start by Guy Kawasaki,
7. Founders at Work by Jessica Livingston,
8. How To Make Millions with Your Ideas – by Dan S. Kennedy,
9. Let My People Go Surfing: The Education of a Reluctant Businessman by Yvon Chouinard,
10. Execution by Larry Bossidy and Ram Charan,
11. The One-Minute Manager by Spencer Johnson and Kenneth Blanchard,
12. The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni,
13. The Great Game of Business by Jack Stack and Bo Burlingham,
14. Sam Walton: Made In America by Sam Walton,
15. Blue Ocean strategy by W. Chan Kim and Renée Mauborgne.

Instruction on how to get your books really cheap on amazon (let us use finding the One Minute manager by Spencer Johnson and Kenneth Blanchard as an example) :

1. Type in either the book’s name, the author’s name or both names together to find all editions and versions (paperback, hardcover, audio CDs, and audio cassettes) of the books. in the search results there maybe different versions of the same editions. the audio cassette versions are the cheapest. many of them under 1 dollar.

2. In the search results look at the used or new inventories from third party (this is what the link looks like: “1064 Used & new from $0.96″).

3. Click on this link “1064 Used & new from $0.96″ to open up the third party inventories.

4. Upon opening the page compare the lowest price for used and new items on the top bar.

5. If the new items have price that makes sense then buy new ones otherwise pick from the used books.

6. Before selecting the book make sure the seller’s feedback rating and number of ratings is what you are comfortable with and click on the add to chart button to purchase the book.

7. Be aware the shipping rate for media items are $3.5 flat on amazon, but it is still worth it because you can get many best selling books and audio books for a few dozen cents. Even after adding up the shipping cost They are still really cheap.

8. Sometimes when a book is so new there is no older edition and if there is no used ones for sale then you have no choice but by the new one. If you buy the new books on Amazon make sure you buy more then one to make up the $25 dollars so that you don’t have to pay for the shipping charge.

You may not know it, but you are a Star

The North Star

Once upon a time all the stars in the sky shine the same brightness because they all wanted to look like each other. The North Star is a much brighter star amongst these stars. Although she is much brighter, she however shines like everybody else no brighter nor dimmer because she wanted her fellow stars to accept her. The way she had been shinning was not her true natural. One day she accidentally revealed her true brightness. A day in the sky is one year on earth and she could see that all the journeymen on earth are using her as a guiding light to find direction of north, so that they can find their ways. North star felt really happy and pleased that she is able to help so many people on earth finding their ways. Although she still wanted to look the same as other fellow stars, however she stopped from dimming herself to look the same as every other star because she saw that her brightness could help so many people on earth. She continued to shine her true brightness and helping those people on the road. From thereon, she started to be her true self, a bright North Star.

Everything on earth originates from one source. A piece of rock, a worm, a bird, water, a human, a human of any kind, all arises from the same source in the universe. We all came from one single creator. Although we may all are very unique, however we are one the same. In physical matter we may be in unique form, however our substances are one of the same. There is no difference between you and me.

Some have a hard time accepting one self because he/she thinks he/she is too unique from everybody else. Although this person maybe indeed very unique from everybody else however this person is no different from everybody else. Yes indeed, some may judge this person because this person being judged is very unique from the person that is judging but that is ok. Everyone has the right to his or her opinion. Some may be open-minded while others are not. We have no control of others except ourselves. We can open our heart to everybody, instead of judging and not accepting. After all nobody is the same anyway. Why judge someone just because that someone is unique from you? More important, we will also not judge ourselves, but rather accept ourselves for who we are. We welcome the people that love us. What we will not do is to let the people that do not welcome us for who we are to diminish our self worth and our right for happiness.

If we have the above mentality we would no longer have hatred for anyone. We would no longer hide anything about ourselves from anyone. If we are indeed very unique from everybody else we may choose to advertise it or we may choose to just let it be but we will not make an attempt to hide it nor will we live in the fear of worrying about anybody else discovering our uniqueness. After all we are all the same, despite how unique we maybe from one another. After all being unique is a good thing. If we are exactly the same as everybody else how mundane would that be and how pointless would that be? Our unique talents would also be diminished, if we had hiding it from others. Our talents that could have helped others would have been wasted, just like North Star’s talent to shine brighter than every other star.

To become a star and a champion, one has to discover and because one is able to accept the true identity of oneself, no matter how unique this identity maybe from anybody else. The big hurdle in attempting this is dealing with the appearance of social norm and social conformity. Just like initially when North Star tried to hide her brightness because she mistakenly thought every star should shine the same brightness. In many cases people are brainwashed by the massive influence of social norm and social conformity. People are almost always very unique from one another, but because social norm is such a massive force that people sometimes mistaken it as their truth identity or the accepted way to be. People mistook the conventionally accepted norm as the character of oneself because that one person is bombarded with outside information daily. So to find oneself one needs to not look outward for the true identity of oneself so to avoid mistaking conventional norm as one self’s true identity, but to look inward to discover and find the true self. It is at this very moment when one finds true identity of oneself a star is born. Just like when North Star mistakenly found out how she could really help others when she shines her true brightness. It is then she gathered enough courage to be her true self and show her true identity. After all a star is deemed to be different. After all if a star is so mundane and ordinary like everybody else how could it ever shine? So remember to find yourself, accept and embrace your uniqueness. Discover the star in you, be daring to show your true identity regardless of how unique it maybe and be the start that you are.

confused whether the guy like you or not?

if you dont know whether the guy likes you or not look at the following different levels of relationships:

Level 1. He likes you a lot even without sex (that means he really loves you for you)

Level 2. He loves you because of you  and with great sex

Level 3. He likes you a little and with sex

Level 4. He does not like you much and with sex

Level 5. He does not like you, no sex, but you give him an allowance

Level 6. He does not like you, no sex, no allowance, and no relationship.

Which level does your relationship belong to?