Without a Shell

Ever since I came to the United States I have gradually built up a shell without me knowing. When I was in China I lived in a small community where most of my classmates lived nearby and our parents knew each other too. So every time we see each other on the street we are always very friendly to each other. I still remembered the time back when I did not have a shell, but as time passes by in the United States my shell grew.  Unlike the way it was in China not everyone I met on the street greeted me with warmth.  slowly I accumulated a self built shell or armo that is built of the act of ‘I am better than you.” and “I don’t trust you.” without knowing I have been walking around with this shell for more than a decade. It made me feel comfortable and good about myself even when I am met with numb and expressionless stare in the street.  

But with this shell also came with problem.  this shell kept me from having authentic and direct communication with people. As such people either could not figure me out or made many different kind of assumptions about me. 

For the past couple of days I have been practicing being vernerbal and interacting with people without that shell. I just connect with people without any pretense. 

Today I still met with two blank stares. when time when I was walking back from the restroom to the meeting room I walked toward a guy in the hallway.   Another time is when I was getting ready to leave the day’s session a lady was by the exist I saw her and I smiled. She saw me too and she had a blank look on her face. 

Initially I made some very unproductive assumptions and even became a little disturbed. later I thought to myself I need to be bigger then that, step up and being a leader. More specifically being a leader and stand for and cause for those two person. Believing in them in their being now and in their future.